Regulus
by TragediesPainfulKiss
Summary: Regulus is alive and he comes to Grimmauld Place, relieved to find that his mate (Severus) had turned to the light like he had. But will Sirius and he ever be close again? Will Lucius and Narcissa understand him once he explained his reasons for hiding. (To destroy Horcruxes.) And will Severus ever forgive him for abandoning him like Lily had? NO SLASH AT ALL!
1. Chapter 1

June was always hard for Severus, not as hard as October, but still very painful. June wasn't the month that Lily had gone away from him forever (as he knew he'd never get to Heaven), but it was still a month full of loss and coldness despite the June sun shining on brightly with warmth that never reached him. Not that he'd ever done anything to deserve the small pleasure of warmth on his back. He'd spend all his life trying to right his wrongs, but he knew he'd never be able to do enough. Another pang shot into the heart he worked so hard on keeping guarded as the thought entered his mind. Regulus. Regulus had had the courage to breakaway, Regulus had been lucky enough to die a somewhat honorable death. Severus would never know such a mercy, and worse yet, Severus would never see his first male best mate ever again. Because surely the bookish, witty, man had repented and made it to Heaven.

It wasn't as if Severus hadn't repented. He was remorseful to this very day, a strong feeling he turned to anger toward himself. He could do all manners of great things, but it would never matter. He was flawed to the core and the darkness was deep within him, while Regulus had always had that spark in his soul, that little bit of him that knew how to be good.

Regulus would be 35 on the third. Regulus _should _be 35, because by all rights Regulus should be alive and he should have been the one to die. Severus closed his eyes, drawing the image up of the younger Black brother that last time he had seen him alive. The grey eyes on the young black-haired man's face had their twinkle back, surprising Severus to no end as for that last year they had slowly been losing their happy gleam. And they had talked and talked for hours over a bottle of firewhiskey, before Regulus simply said he had to go and take care of business. He had seemed so calm, so casual that Severus had let him go without much argument assuming that he simply had business in Diagon Alley. What a fool he had been. Sure his occlumency skills were not as strong as they were now when he was 19, but he should have been able to sense something was amiss with Regulus as his skills were still quite high. He should have never been drinking...he would have been able to save his mate if he hadn't clouded his brain with the drink.

He took a deep breath as he leaned back into his armchair in Spinner's end. Regulus hadn't needed saving. It was he who had needed it. Regulus had gone of to redemption. His eyes flashed opened as a painful thought forced its way into his reminescenting. Why hadn't Regulus taken him with? Had he known even then that Severus wasn't worth saving? Had he feared Severus would betray him? Had they never really been as close as Severus thought they were? That was the thought that haunted him, the thought that Lily and Regulus had never really loved him to begin with. That the two people of his childhood had just tolerated him. That he really was unloveable like his parents had insisted he was. And weren't they right?

If Lily and Reglus could see him now...if they could come down on this world for just a few moments, they'd hit him. They'd hex him. They'd make sure he knew just how disgusted they were with him, and why should they be? Why shouldn't everyone despise his very being when he himself did? For the life of him he could never understand how those two people ever saw the smallest trace of worth within him. His face twisted up as he fought back tears. He didn't deserve to feel this pain...he deserved much worse. Tears were self-indulgent...he'd take the stinging as he held them back, because it was nothing he hadn't deserved.

He blinked slowly. He had a few hours before an order meeting started, perhaps he should try and refocus his mind and channel it to the usual snark and anger. It was easier this way, because some tender fool (like Molly) would ask what was wrong if he didn't. And how could he even begin to explain? No, it was better to be angry now. Because he'd become accustomed to it and the rage wouldn't take over him completely upon seeing Black. Black...how he loathed the man. And it was not just for his childhood crimes against Severus, it was for the way that the man seemed to hold no sadness at all for his dead brother, nor the least bit of respect. Severus despised the man for the callous way he could bring up Regulus's death, as if Regulus happened to be just some boggart that he had banished. Didn't Sirius know how much Regulus wanted to be close to him? Sure, Regulus was not innocent in the matter, but he had made an effort at reconciliation. Severus could never forgive Black for turning his back on his brother, even if Regulus had joined in with the death eaters. They were family...and from what Severus was lead to believe, family was everything. Black could act as noble as he pleased, but the act would never fool Severus.

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Harry could hardly understand why Dumbledore had ordered Snape to come to the Order meeting early so he could have dinner with them all. Snape clearly didn't want to be there as all he did was glare and ignore his meal, and no one else wanted him there either. Especially Sirius.

"There will be one more guest joining us." Dumbledore announced simply, looking at a watch on his wrist in a slightly anxious manner. "They should be arriving shortly, though if I recall correctly, they never were very great at time-management."

"I assume you're not going to inform us on their identity." Snape drawled, looking unamused as always at the headmasters' eccentricities.

"What would be the fun in that?" Dumbledore asked, seeming to delight in irritating a great many at the table. "I find a good surprise is always-"

POP!

A loud appirating noise sounded from near the front of the house, and Harry waiting anxiously to see who might be joining them. Perhaps a friend of his parents? It was always nice to meet someone who knew of his mum and dad. Or perhaps someone with an exciting career, like Moody?

He didn't have to wait long until Mrs. Black's portrait starting screaming out obscenities in a rage Harry hadn't heard from her since Hermione had stepped foot in the place.

"YOU LEAVE MY HOUSE!" She screeched, surprising all in the room with her level of fury. "GOOD FOR NOTHING TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU STEP FOOT IN HERE!"

"Won't you leave me be!?" A voice thundered, croaking and breaking in between words as if the user was not used to raising his voice.

"Sirius?" Harry was alarmed as Sirius's face had gone completely white and his eyes had widened to near comedic proportions. "Are you alright?" He quickly looked at Remus, but he seemed just as shell-shocked, and to Harry's confusion even Snape had turned whiter and seemed to sit stiffer in his chair. Who the hell could cause such a reaction?

Before long a man straggled into the dining room, his black hair knotted and slick with all sorts of filth. Coated in dirt and grime, Harry could scarcely tell what his skin color should be. The only distinguishing feature he could make out were the sparkling grey eyes that seemed oddly familiar. He stared, wondering what hell-hole this man had climbed from. He looked ten times worse than Sirius had when Sirius was on the run. Even now the pungent odor of decay and sweat filled the room, and no doubt could be attributed to the man dressed in the remains of a filth stained sweatshirt and a pair of ratty jeans. Disgusted, Harry couldn't help but notice the man was barefoot, his feet bleeding and nails yellow with neglect.

The room went silent and stared at the man who wobbled on his feet. With haunted eyes the man looked about the room, resting on Sirius for a good ten minutes despite the glare Sirius sent his way. It was only when the putrid smelling man locked eyes with Snape did anyone make any noise.

"Reg?!" Snape stood up quickly, his chair toppling over backward at the intensity. "You're...dead." Snape said stupidly, as clearly the man named Reg was standing there albeit a bit shaky. "I...hid your body away from Bellatrix..." Snape seemed unable to breath. "No." He shook his head curtly, his voice taking on a sharp edge. "What joke is this, Albus?" He demanded.

"No, it's me." Reg's voice cracked, and Harry flinched as the cup Sirius was holding shattered beneath his squeeze. "You gave me this on my twelfth birthday." The man put a hand out on the wall to steady himself as he dug into a pocket and pulled out a rope necklace, the rope tattered to the point that it was almost broken in several spots. It wasn't until Regulus moved his hand that Harry could it was a cross pendant, gothic in appearance.

"Anyone could know that." Snape clearly would not allow himself to believe that this man was alive, and Harry wondered if that would be the case if Ron died or Hermione. Would he be able to believe it immediately? Even if Dumbledore vouched for them?

Reg nodded slowly, much falling from his hair to splatter on the floor Molly had just scrubbed. "But, no one would know that it opens." The man held up the thin pendant, and Harry wondered how anything could fit inside it. "And what's on the inside."

"What is on the inside?" Snape demanded, still standing so stiffly it looked painful.

"A muggle photo of us at the arcade...You're...laughing at me in it, because you told me dress muggle and I didn't really understand what that meant. I looked like a fool..."

"Regulus!" Snape breathed, before rushing over to the man and yanking him into a hug much like Remus and Sirius had done in the shrieking shack when they had reunited. Regulus? As in Sirius's brother? Was that why Sirius looked so furious? Regulus wasted no time in throwing his arms around Snape and hugging back just as tightly. "You sonofabitch." Snape spat, suddenly pushing back Regulus and punching him on the jaw. Regulus did nothing, he didn't even bother to block the blow, as if he felt he deserved it.

"Sev...I deserve that." Regulus had barely managed to remain upright, and staggered backward to lean against the wall. "But please. Let me explain."


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought you were dead!" Severus yelled, his face turning red in the rare cases that his anger became unmanageable. "What the hell have you been doing? Where have you been!?" Severus's eyes were flashing dangerously, and Regulus only wished he still had his wand so he could protect himself. He simply didn't think he could take another blow from his mate, much less a hex. And he'd much rather have Severus on his side in case his brother decided to start hexing him because at that moment Sirius looked like he'd love to do nothing more than torture him.

"I know, but hear me out." Regulus begged. "Please, you've got hear me out." He hadn't been expecting to have to explain to Severus so soon. He hadn't expected Severus to be there...to be in the Order. Had he already found the Light? Pride and relief started to flood into him...whatever happened tonight, no matter how much he had his arse kicked...at least his best mate had made it to the right side.

"What reason could you possibly have for letting everyone think you were dead!?" Severus demanded, betrayal on his face. "I had no one to talk to! Everyday is a misery and I had no one to talk to! I count the hours until I can sleep, Regulus! Until I can die! And you! You've been off on some jolly little holiday!"

"Don't talk like that!" Regulus snapped, not liking the depressed tone in the words. "Please, trust me, you'll understand once I've explained." Usually Severus was the voice of reason, Regulus was not used to being the one doing the calming. "I've been trying to contact you, but I haven't got my wand anymore." Even as he spoke he could feel the lack of substance in his pocket and he frowned.

"In my mind." Severus said dryly. "You've been torturing my dreams." He accused. "How was I supposed to help you if I didn't know where you were!? Are you trying to make me feel guilty!?" He demanded, his body heaving with the amount of anger that coursed through him.

"No!" Regulus insisted. "I was only trying to tell you I was alive...it's hard to form a mind connection from so far away...without a wand."

"Where were you?" Severus demanded again, a hurt look still showing on his face.

"Everywhere, Severus. I've been living in squalor. I wasn't on some' jolly holiday.'" He almost felt insulted that Severus would suggest such a thing, until he remembered that was exactly something he would do given the option. "Does it look like I've been enjoying my time off?" His voice cracked, and he felt blood fill his mouth. He hadn't talked in so long, it hurt him badly, but he had to go on. He had to make sure his mate knew that he hadn't been abandoned.

"No." Severus said softly, his eyes giving him a cursory glance. "You look ill!" He exclaimed, as if he just noticed that Regulus could barely stand up.

"Regulus, sit!" Albus ordered, pulling out a chair as Severus helped him slump down into it. He closed his eyes at the exertion, willing himself not to be sick on his brothers table. "Severus...Sirius...I'm sorry...only let me explain." He pleaded.

"Drink this first!" Severus demanded, pressing a vial into his hand. "Now!" He barked, when he hesitated. Regulus knew first-hand that Severus would simply force the potion down if he didn't take it like a man, so he did as ordered and gagged at the acrid taste in his mouth. "What was that?" He demanded.

"It's not important." Severus said evasively. "Regulus...tell me what have you been doing." Severus handed him another potion, and he threw it back despite the way his stomach churned.

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"I've been destroying...Horcruxes." Regulus explained, glowering up at Severus as he pressed another potion into his hands. "Damn it, how much do you plan drugging me!?"

Severus glowered back. "Drink it now, or I'll force it down!" He snapped, holding out his wand threateningly until Regulus obeyed. "And what do you mean, destroying Horcruxes?"

"Exactly that." Regulus slurred, clearly the potions Severus had given him were taking effect. "What..was in that first potion?" He asked, but Severus ignored him and glared over at Black who had yet to make any move or sound. "I got three down...The necklace..the cup..the diadem..."

Severus blinked. How the hell had Regulus managed to do that all on his own? How had he been able avoid Voldemort? Regulus had been the reason Voldemort was so on edge, so easily infuriated into cursing his followers for the slightest infractions. Voldemort had been suspecting it was Potter doing the horcrux destroying, but all this time it had been Regulus. "Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" He demanded. "I would have helped you."

"I wanted to protect you...and you were still on the fence about what side you were on..." Regulus's head was starting to nod, but Severus needed more answers. "I'm so glad you...switched sides..."

"What the hell did you give him?" Black suddenly spoke up as Regulus's eyelids fluttered as he fought sleep.

"A sleeping potion, a nutrient potion, and a pain reliever." He spat. "He needs healed...the questions can wait until later."

"You sonofabitch...you drugged me.._.again_. You _know _I hate that." Regulus growled weakly, before falling of his chair to the floor.

"Severus, perhaps you should take Regulus home and see to his wounds...?" Albus asked, a look of concern on his face as Severus knelt next to Regulus to make sure he was breathing. "You are quite the healer and Regulus can fill you in when he awakens."

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Severus had nodded, and carefully gathered Regulus into his arms before standing. How he stunk, Severus could hardly stomach the stench which was saying something as he was around the most pungent of potions ingredients daily. He ignored the eyes on him, obviously they were shocked that he was strong enough to heft Regulus and even more so surprised that he was being so gentle. But he simply didn't have time to be keep up his image, Regulus needed seeing too.

Appirating as gently as he could, he arrived back at Spinner's End with Regulus still in his arms, and still fighting sleep. Stubborn little shite he muttered under his breath, as he carefully navigated the narrow staircase with Regulus balanced precariously in his arms.

"I smell books...are we at your place?" Regulus muttered, his head lolling slightly.

"Yes." Severus said softly, hardly daring to let himself believe that Regulus was really alive. "Though I'm surprised you can smell my house over the horrid stench coming off you."

"I stopped noticing after a while, you know. I had more pressing matters on my plate."

Severus rolled his eyes as he tried to avoid dropping Regulus on the treacherous narrow steep steps that he really needed to fix. "It looks as if you haven't had anything on your since you've left." He joked, wishing the twinkle in Regulus's eyes would return, and wishing that the jokes that fell easily from Regulus's lips would start coming.

"That's because I haven't. After you give me a bath can we eat?" He pleaded.

"What? I'm not giving you a bath!" Severus argued, nearly dropping him on his head.

"Yes you are." Regulus argued weakly.

"Oh, really? Why is that?"

"Because I stink." He said simply. "Come on, please." He begged. "A bath and food is all I've dreamed of since I've been away."

"Can't you just wait until you're well enough to do it on your own?" Severus argued, already kicking open the door to his bathroom. Leave it to a Black to always get what they wanted.

"No. And neither can you. You're not going to let me on your bed smelling like this." Regulus muttered, as Severus leaned him against one of the walls of the bathtub.

"So now you're getting my bed too?" Severus asked, relieved to find that the taps on the old clawfoot tub still managed to work as he turned them.

"I know you, Severus. You wouldn't make a guest sleep on the couch, especially not when they're sick."

"Don't be so overly dramatic, Black." Severus sighed, removing the disgusting sweater from Regulus's back as the man dozed in and out of consciousness. "You'll be fine." He promised, averting his eyes as he removed the rest of his mates clothing. Regulus owed him for this, big time. It was not like the times Regulus would have too much to drink and Severus and Lucius would have to help him, this was much worse as Severus had no idea just what the hell was coating Regulus from head to toe. He was sure he didn't want to know.

"Alright...let's make this quick." Severus emphasized the last word, knowing full-well that it would take awhile to get the crap off Regulus. And then there was the matter of clothing...what was Regulus going to wear? Severus was going to simply banish the clothing, as they were too foul to even give the poorest of the poor that roamed about spinner's end. Regulus would just have to deal with wearing muggle clothes for awhile.

"I..waited in the shadows..too." Regulus slurred, his head lolling slightly as Severus placed him in the warm water as gently as he could without touching anything that didn't strictly need to be touched. "I counted the hours until I could be back."

"Regulus, shut it." Severus said, feeling uncomfortable. "You're voice is still weak." He amended, using his wand to try and peel off the grudge that stuck stubbornly to Regulus's skin.

"It won't get strong again, unless I use, mate." He argued, his grey eyes twinkling for a moment before he shut them again. "I dreamed you would stand by me...that you'd come to the light."

"Are you...crying!?" Severus demanded, rolling his eyes at the always emotional Regulus.

"You don't know how much this means to me." He breathed. "I was so fearful you had gone on, without ever knowing the light. And if that happened...how would we ever meet again?"

"I said we'd always be friends...didn't I?" Severus asked, using nearly the entire bar of soap on Regulus's skin. Severus was finally able to see the light skin, dry and cracked, but clean. In the silence that filled the tiny bathroom, Severus attempted to gently work on the hair but found that he was being anything but gentle as Regulus winced in pain and glared up at him.

"Gentle, mate." He scolded, smiling slightly as he sunk further into the tub to rinse out his hair. By the time he was finished, the tub was black and Severus was forced to drain it and refill it.

"I've never, in all my life, seen you so grimy." Severus retorted, making Regulus do his own washing when certain region's were involved. "I thought I'd never see the day when Regulus Black's hair looked worse than mine."

"Not for long." Regulus laughed slightly, before sinking beneath the browning water to scrub at his face. He grimaced as he stretched in the water. "I think I need a shower after this."

Severus nodded. "I'll return with something you can wear."

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Removing a semi-conscious Regulus from the tub, when the man was still wet and could hardly help in the process, proved grating. As much as he loathed the situation, Severus simply had to grab Regulus from the tub bridal-style. Grumbling the whole time, he lay Regulus up against the wall and shoved a faded black shirt on his back, before managing to get some bottoms on him. Lastly, he added a pair of socks, knowing that Spinner's end tended to get a bit drafty regardless of how warm it became outside.

Once the man had been clothed, Severus didn't feel so awkward carrying him into his bedroom and placing him on the bed and beneath the covers. He took great care to make sure Regulus's head was properly cushioned, and the blankets wrapped tightly around him.

"Mama?" Regulus made Severus jump from his skin when he called out in a fevered dream. "Mama?"

"Reg!" Severus shook him gently, but was unable to rouse the sleeping man. "Reg, it's just a dream."

"Please...Mama, I do not feel well." Regulus whined. "Mama, where is Kreacher?" Regulus's forehead was dripping with sweat now, and Severus wondered if the exertion of today and tipped him over into a fever. "Kreacher, Kreacher! Please?" Regulus's voice took a pleading tone as he called for his house-elf like a child would call for their mother.

"Reg...it's me, Severus." He soothed, wiping at the sweat that dripped from his now-clean brow. "Kreacher is busy right now, but he will see you soon."

"Sev? Sev, I don't feel so well." He breathed, panting with the exertion.

"I know, here drink this." He coaxed a small fever-reducer into the man, who seemed to relax just slightly.

"I want Kreacher..." He complained. "Kreacher will sing for me."

"I know...but you can see Kreacher when you wake up." He promised. "So sleep." He tried to make his voice sound strong, but he was very aware that he failed to do so.

"Don't leave me..." Regulus pleaded. "Stay with me."


End file.
